One of my biggest fears is the doctor. When I was younger, the doctor’s office was more often a place of hurt than healing. So when I started having a choice about going to the doctor, I stopped going. I didn’t see a physician for 15 years. Today that changed.
A few weeks ago I wrote that “the more afraid I am to try something new, the more likely it is that I want to do it.” My fear of doctors must hook me deeper than most fears because instead of wanting to confront it, I had been paralyzed by it. So I took my own words to heart and forced myself to pick up the phone and make an appointment.
The anticipation was the worst part. Just thinking about the appointment would leave me feeling light-headed and too anxious to sleep or focus. It felt as dreadful as death.
When I walked in to the office, they immediately ushered me into the lab to take my blood. This was the scariest part for me. I had never given blood and not passed out or gone faint. The nurse was sympathetic and let me lay down instead of strapping me in that chair. She didn’t judge me for singing silly songs or asking her not to tell me when the draw started even though I definitely knew it had already started. For the first time, when it was over I felt fine.
The rest of the appointment went well. I declined any shots this time. They only mentioned tetanus, but I saw at least four on the list. One needle was enough for the day.
It will take more work to uproot what lie underneath this fear. But today I took the biggest step in overcoming it by confronting it head-on. The experience was pleasant and affirming. I proved in first small measure that my fear was not justified and there is hope for overcoming.